retrospektiva

cohen >> dance me to the end of love >> coffee >> storm outside >> and i've just found this in my diary >> july 04, england

it’s thursday, sometime after midnight. and i feel just so damn sad. can’t tell why, can i? it’s martin the ex getting married tomorrow, and it’s not that it’s not me and him but only that it’s not me, the happy one, and i never was. i really hoped to find peace here. instead of that, i keep watching tv where all is always somehow good ending or at least the heroes leave with their heads held up high and when they break down, it never lasts. not like me, sitting here and being so sad. it’s just... my reflection in the window and the orange light and everything i ever deserved but never got, everything i ever wanted but never deserved, everything i ever got but never wanted. the tears in my eyes and the endless waiting. living in a dream which is easier than accepting the reality as it is... it’s just that i’m sad for no reason, for never taking the right decisions, for the nonsense of the life, the universe and everything. here’s to fantasy, to imagination, to whatever that can make my life happier. and here’s to the real things which seem to be always passing by... to everyday’s reality show of my worthless life. and to every line dropped.